Blog Strike Over!
Hello everyone! I apologize for my boycott of my BLOG. I became so irritated with it that I was on strike, but I got over it. :) As far as things since the last time I wrote, everything is great. I really have fallen in love with this place and the people I have met. It is such a true mixture of people, not only from all over the Middle East but also the world. Even more interesting is the constant mix of languages. For example it is extremely common to hear English, Arabic, and French all in the same sentence. But it makes it fun.
I am now living at NEST (Near East School of Theology), which is great especially for creating a community of people around me. However, luckily I do have my friends outside of NEST which gives me a good balance.
One of the things I have been battling with is where I “fit in”, especially in terms of my faith. I know for a lot of friends this part of the conversation is a little “too churchy”, which I understand. However, especially in this part of the world, your faith is extremely important. For example, as a Lebanese citizen you have to have a religion registered. If you want to marry someone and just have a civil marriage, you would have to go to Cyprus or something.
Anyway, so I wanted to share with some of you some of the internal battles I have been going through since I have gotten here. I wrote this in my journal last weekend and I want to give you a better understanding of my feelings and I am also looking for any reply with your thoughts.
So I have now been here for two weeks and I still love it, but it’s still hard. Like I love it because it’s still new, exciting, and different and I have met some good people. However, I feel like I am constantly fighting a battle of being a Christian and a liberal. And it’s so exhausting after a while to explain my beliefs. And even more so it is getting to me to the point of, is this really what I want to do? Do I always want to explain and debate? Do I always want to feel alone, even though I’m excepting of others beliefs? I loved New England so much because people understood at least that I could be both. And then I feel like I keep questioning my own beliefs. Like am I really cut out for this since I’m not the “stereotypical” Christian/interested in seminary person. I mean I love going out, I love to go dancing, I love to date, and I’ll have a beer and watch a ballgame, etc. I mean does that really make me a “bad” Christian? Does that really mean that I’m not supposed to go to seminary? Where do I fit? Its not that I like to do those things in excess, however, I don’t think I’m bad person, nor do I think that I’m a bad Christian.
And I know that I’m smarter than this. I know I appreciate myself more than this and I know that my faith is stronger than this. If nothing else I have to remember that things happen, or don’t, for a reason. And out of all of it, I think that’s the hardest. The whole trusting in something higher is never easy, regardless of how much I would like to say it is. Especially right now, if you trust in someone, or something, it’s not supposed to hurt. Or at least we would like to think so.
(By the way to all of you that want to edit my journal entry, I’m sorry. It was the first thing Dad wanted to do too) (I also feel that I should explain that this is from spending time with Americans of different denominations and Christian backgrounds.)
Anyway, I think enough for now. Please feel free to email me any of your thoughts regarding my journal, I definitely need the insight from others.
Much love,
Ruth
I am now living at NEST (Near East School of Theology), which is great especially for creating a community of people around me. However, luckily I do have my friends outside of NEST which gives me a good balance.
One of the things I have been battling with is where I “fit in”, especially in terms of my faith. I know for a lot of friends this part of the conversation is a little “too churchy”, which I understand. However, especially in this part of the world, your faith is extremely important. For example, as a Lebanese citizen you have to have a religion registered. If you want to marry someone and just have a civil marriage, you would have to go to Cyprus or something.
Anyway, so I wanted to share with some of you some of the internal battles I have been going through since I have gotten here. I wrote this in my journal last weekend and I want to give you a better understanding of my feelings and I am also looking for any reply with your thoughts.
So I have now been here for two weeks and I still love it, but it’s still hard. Like I love it because it’s still new, exciting, and different and I have met some good people. However, I feel like I am constantly fighting a battle of being a Christian and a liberal. And it’s so exhausting after a while to explain my beliefs. And even more so it is getting to me to the point of, is this really what I want to do? Do I always want to explain and debate? Do I always want to feel alone, even though I’m excepting of others beliefs? I loved New England so much because people understood at least that I could be both. And then I feel like I keep questioning my own beliefs. Like am I really cut out for this since I’m not the “stereotypical” Christian/interested in seminary person. I mean I love going out, I love to go dancing, I love to date, and I’ll have a beer and watch a ballgame, etc. I mean does that really make me a “bad” Christian? Does that really mean that I’m not supposed to go to seminary? Where do I fit? Its not that I like to do those things in excess, however, I don’t think I’m bad person, nor do I think that I’m a bad Christian.
And I know that I’m smarter than this. I know I appreciate myself more than this and I know that my faith is stronger than this. If nothing else I have to remember that things happen, or don’t, for a reason. And out of all of it, I think that’s the hardest. The whole trusting in something higher is never easy, regardless of how much I would like to say it is. Especially right now, if you trust in someone, or something, it’s not supposed to hurt. Or at least we would like to think so.
(By the way to all of you that want to edit my journal entry, I’m sorry. It was the first thing Dad wanted to do too) (I also feel that I should explain that this is from spending time with Americans of different denominations and Christian backgrounds.)
Anyway, I think enough for now. Please feel free to email me any of your thoughts regarding my journal, I definitely need the insight from others.
Much love,
Ruth
posted by Ruth at 12:42 PM
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